New Moon Coaching for Expat Women

Being far away is a privilege that comes with a price. There are so many things you miss as an expat: milestones in the lives of family and friends, the slow decline of the elderly, the rapid growth of children. Birthdays and anniversaries are marked by photos always taken in the presence of an absence; this is true both for those who left and those who stayed behind.

If the holidays are ruthless, Christmas is brutal. The Christmas Blues—that pull of nostalgia for a home that is no longer our daily reality—hits many of us as we remain overseas. But in my coaching work and my own life, I’ve come to see nostalgia not just as a sadness, but as a dialogue between the “me” who left and the “me” who is evolving.

The holidays are a powerful opportunity to exercise agency. We aren’t just losing old traditions; we are the architects of new ones. In my home, we merge our Italian baggage with the beautiful, messy melting pot of our current community.

There are non-negotiables: Christmas Eve is for the intimacy of our small family. We savor a special dinner, the tree decorated with lights and ornaments that represent pieces of our history, the candles, the exchange of gifts. But on the 25th, we open our doors to our “chosen family.”

In this adoptive clan, cultural roots and dietary restrictions vary wildly—making the menu harder than a fiendish Sudoku puzzle! But this conviviality is a conscious choice. What truly matters to me is surrounding ourselves with loved ones, hugs, and laughter—creating memories of conviviality and presence for my son. Expat parents are teaching their children that “home” isn’t just a place on a map; it’s the community we intentionally build.

A new custom we’ve embraced is the White Elephant gift exchange. It’s loud, it’s funny, and it perfectly represents the expat experience: taking something unexpected and finding the joy in it.

Far from our families of origin, we have the unique freedom to define the traditions that, in turn, define us. The magic of the holidays isn’t just in the celebration; it’s in the transformation. We take the pain of distance and transform it into an opportunity for growth, connection, and a new kind of belonging.

We often focus on what we’ve lost, but what is one ‘new’ tradition you’ve built in your adoptive home that you now couldn’t live without? Share it in the comments.