New Moon Coaching for Expat Women

Halloween is nearly over, and most people will take advantage of the weekend to take down the decorations from their homes and tuck costumes and masks back into the closet. I belong to the minority of people who begin dismantling the piles of bones and removing the various pumpkin-shaped candles the very next day: as much as I enjoy immersing myself completely in the spirit of the holiday, I feel an equal pleasure in turning the page and enjoying what the rest of the season has to offer.

Every year, however, there is always something that lingers—a small object, a trinket that has somehow made a home for itself in a corner of the living room or on the kitchen sideboard. Something that demands its place in the light of day and refuses to be shut away in a box.

This year, it happened with two crows I cut out of cardstock and taped to the living room windows; they remind me of the crows of Odin, the father of the Aesir gods. They look good there and they will stay, at least for a while.

One thing that will certainly remain in families for a long time, however, is the bagful of treats collected by children during the usual round of trick-or-treating… In my house, the quantity of these increases every year: like all the older kids, my son runs from house to house with his friends to collect the greatest number of bars and candies, and above all, to have a better chance of finding his favorite sweets.

There is a precise etiquette to trick-or-treating that both parties involved must follow. The person who opens the door must always wish a “Happy Halloween!” to which the children (strictly in costume, without exception) respond with the famous phrase “Trick or treat.” At this point, the person who opened the door compliments each of them on their costumes and presents the basket of treats (all strictly industrially packaged), and the petitioners take one each (never, ever take more!).

Yesterday, I read a surprising fact: some American cities have laws in their statutes that would prevent teenagers from participating in what many consider to be the most fun and characteristic part of Halloween. Those over thirteen or fourteen could be liable for a misdemeanor charge if found wandering from house to house asking for the coveted candy. I am not aware of these laws being strictly enforced, but they certainly make one reflect on what it means to be a teenager in this country and the pressure society exerts on them. If adolescence is that phase of an individual’s development between childhood and adulthood—a continuum between two opposite states where growth phases overlap organically and don’t always follow a linear path, but where regressions and advancements necessarily coexist—what does outlawing this fun tradition tell us about the space granted to boys and girls to grow, and their need to oscillate between feeling small and becoming big?

Just as a teenager exists in that beautiful, clumsy continuum—one foot in the security of childhood and the other stepping tentatively into the weight of adulthood—so too does the expat live in a state of constant, organic oscillation. We move between the values of the culture that raised us and the rhythms of the one that currently holds us. Some days, we lean into the ‘new’ with confidence, embracing local customs and legalities; on others, we regress toward the familiar comfort of our origins, seeking the ‘trinkets’ of home to feel grounded. This isn’t a lack of integration or a failure to grow; it is a necessary, fluid synergy. Legend has it, that during the day, Thought and Memory flew over Odin’s kingdom, gathering information that they reported to their lord in the evening, contributing to his reputation as a great scholar and sage. Like Odin’s crows, we need both Thought (the active processing of our new environment) and Memory (the honoring of where we come from) to truly find our wisdom in this ‘in-between’ life.

What are you refusing to put back in the box this season? How are you allowing yourself to oscillate between the person you were and the woman you are becoming here? Share it in the comments.